Sunday, November 20, 2011

Opportunity and those kind enough to hand it to you

Opportunity - an appropriate or favorable time or occasion

And this is just what I have been given; in so many forms.

It all starts with a decision to move to Radford and go to school there and ends with an amazing trip to the number one place Ive always wanted to visit on my bucket list; Japan.
I joined a sorority and made some amazing gal pals. I even lived with a few. I then got married and moved, but I still remained friends with those who were willing to be my friend too. There was this 'thing' (with lack of term) going on around Facebook called "30 days". It consisted of several things/questions that you were to post about and tag a picture with it. For instance, what is your favorite possession? I would have to say my anime. So I took a picture and posted that as my answer. Well, one of the questions was: whats one place you have always wanted to visit? Well, of course, Japan. So I posted a picture. And to my welcoming surprise, my sorority room mate told me that her husband was going to Japan to teach English and that once they were settled I should come visit. I wonder if she knew at that moment, I was totally going to keep her to that :) But, I was like, wow, what an amazingly kind offer. I mean, Im not going to say I am knowledgable of Japan, but I do know that from watching anime and reading information on Japan that apartments are not big and walking and mass transportation would be the only ways of getting around, yet, I was still offered this opportunity; and Im so grateful! Actually, I have been blessed. If my husband didnt have the job he has now, if I wasnt working part-time to have spending money, I would never have been able to even think of going.

I have never flown before and this plane trip will be almost 24hrs. I wont lie when I say Im actually nervous about this. My accompaning friend has flown before, but like I, has never been out of the country. I dont get neverous before hand about things. I get nervous when it actually happens. Im hoping this means, once I actually get to where they are living in Japan, I would have done so calmly.
Im, also, very much EXCITED!!! The temples, the hot springs, the ferris wheels, the shopping, the cosplay, the anime, the culture, the shrines, the beauty of it all!!!
Im not bringing my computer. I hope two camera cards are enough :)

Until next time...

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


Sometimes - on some occasions, at times, now and then

We all have those moments. You know...the ones where you sometimes do this, sometimes do that and sometimes think this and that? Sometimes we share with others what our sometimes are, sometimes we do not. Im going to share a few...

Sometimes I wish for that perfect warm day with the cool breeze blowing, just to feel like Im getting a kiss from Heaven.

Sometimes I get so exasperated being a mom that I want to shut myself up in my bedroom and succumb to the awesomeness of an anime...sometimes!

Sometimes I feel the sudden urge to tell all my friends how dear they are to me; sometimes I do and sometimes I forget.

Sometimes I wish I had an amazing part-time job doing something that involves one of the few things I love most in the world (biology, botany, anime voice acting, singing, and books).

Sometimes I wish my life was more glamorous.

Sometimes I wish I knew who had/has/does truly love me.

Sometimes I wish my headaches andback aches would never come back.

Sometimes I wish I could meet some famous people (Chelsea Handler,Catherine Heigle, Adam Sandler, Timothy Olyphant, Josh Duhamel and others to name my top fave)

Sometimes I wish I was model material.

Sometimes I wish I was bilingual in Japanese.

Sometimes I wish I had the knack for design.

Sometimes I wish I could tell others how I truly feel.

Sometimes I think it best to just keep my mouth shut.

Sometimes I just want to go back to sleep to keep dreaming.

Sometimes I dream about flying in the air and breathing under water.

Sometimes I wish I was an aspiring photographer.

Sometimes I think I was Japanese in a formal life (if the formal life actually existed).

Sometimes I say things that come across in the complete opposite way I meant them to.

Sometimes I wish people would just realize life IS too short to dwell on the hard. Things change, times change and people change. Its how you change along with them that either makes or breaks you.

Sometimes just a phone call, an email or a friendly text can show a lot to someone.

These are just a few of my sometimes. Some are realistic, some are not, but they are all a part of me and I embrace it.

What are some of your sometimes? :)

Saturday, May 14, 2011


"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love the changed person" - W Somerset Maugham

Do people really change that much within a year? I can understand over many. And at what age does change begin to slow, if that even occurs?

Change is an inevitable. Whether we want it to happen or not. Have you ever been or know someone who has been in a relationship where they say, "he/she will never change"? I'm sure we have all heard it sometime in our lives. This statement is not entirely true. Eventually these individuals change, but at that moment are we/they so impatient as to not want to wait for the desired or even undesired change to make our final decision? Perhaps this is just another way the world lets you know you are not compatible. What if age has a huge impact on when and how people change? I remember hearing in a psychology class that there is a window of opportunity in our lives where if we take the time to assess ourselves and our personalities we may be able to change undesirable qualities of our personality as well as bring in new refreshing ones if we practiced. This could probably occur at any time in an adults life, but this window is probably the easiest. I believe this to some extent. I used to be stubborn, OK, so Im still a little stubborn, but this was a trait I was not fond of and knew it was a bit extreme. So, I really thought about the ways I was stubborn and come to find out, it was over really silly things. Now Im more nonchalant about issues, but if Im passionate enough about a topic, a bit of stubbornness is not all bad.

How does time affect love?
When we say we love someone, does that change throughout time or is it conditional?

Lets look at three different scenarios:

You dated someone back in the day and you both said you loved each other. You were together for, lets say, three years and all was well the first two. Then you begin to nit-pick with each other. Then certain things that havent changed in those two years begin to really irritate you. And to go further, you begin to really argue and fight over things that you never thought you would fight over. I could go on and on. The relationshop ends and so does your love for that person. Or does it?

In another case, you meet someone and you really enjoy there company. You hang out, watch movies, play games, go out together and have even done things that couples do. You find yourself loving this person. You never really get together becuase of outside reasons. Do you still love them in the same way you did when you were 'together'?

And what about married couples who have been married 20, 30, 50+ years? Does the love they had for each other stay the same all those years or does it morph and grow into something more elegant and timeless?

I believe in the first case, if it ends in that kind of way, you dont love them anymore and its a struggle to remember why you loved them to begin with. But if it wasnt a bad breakup or you were together for a lot longer, then I would guess some affection or care still resides. Enough to hope the best for that person in the furture and to want to be friends with.

With the second case, that kind of love stays where it was left. It has nothing to go on to grow. Its a love thats lost and it gives you the 'what if?' moments in life. So love for that person can not grow more tender with time.

With the third scenario, if you happen to make it those many years together, changing together with lifes tides, growing with each other instead of away, I believe that a love like that is timeless. It hasnt changed, just became a force so strong that those who know that couple would want what they have.

So many things change in a persons lifetime. Its how we handle these changes that can make us or break us. And it all starts as soon as we are conceived.

I, for one, am happy with the way I have changed throughout my life. Im glad Im not so stubborn anymore among other things and that I dont recollect what I saw in past relationships (or even remember things of some). Im okay with having a stagnant love for those who went one way and I the other and I hope I can obtain the timeless love you see so few of. That would truly be an amazing blessing!

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Friends: You know, the people around you that will listen to you when you need an ear, be there for you when you need the support, will travel the distances to be at important events in your life, confides in you as you in them, understands even when you believe noone else does, but can also be there to give you the swift kick in the right direction, argue with you over differences until sides are seen in each others eyes, and overall, just really enjoys your company.

I havent had many people I could call close friends and it seems that those I do remember, something happened in life and we no longer spoke. Even the 200 so called "friends" on facebook I wouldnt consider "friends" per say; more like aquaintences that I met in college and now I would like to be on their sidelines to cheer them on throughout their life. Im sure thats how some of my "friends" view it too and Im okay with that. Ive 'unfriended' at least 100 people who have never said a word to me and Im okay with that too (Most are from Hight School, Dont know why I friended them to begin with?).

The people who I do want to get to know better and stay in close contact with, I try very hard to show my affection through words of encouragement and to visit when I can. I need to do better, I know, I am a victim to my own judging.

But lately, I feel I have no friends. Just those who say something nice on facebook here and there. Does anyone want to include me in things/events? Has anyone who has weekends off wanted to do something with my diaghter and I? And what really gets me, does anyone want to come visit me? NO! Only B and Crackback have visited me. I am also very aware that it is hard to do certain things with a baby. I am also painfully aware that my best friend in the world is sacrificing his time away from his growing daughter and lonely wife to provide for us and to give us a future. Knowing that, I should not complain about being lonely, but its hard.

Things change as life goes on. I get accused of not being able to really view other peoples perspectives, when I dont believe thats true at all. Can you view mine with a child and a husband thats been gone for almost 6 months? I would say you can either empathize with one or the other, but not both.

I try to reach out and make friends. I suppose Im a type of person who doesnt make an impact on people enough for them to be like, "hey, I would love to get to know her better". Am I really that odd? I know everyone has their quirks, but really?!

Again, I know its hard with a baby, and Im not depressed, but sometime I wish I were because then Id have somewhat of an excuse for feeling this way. Since one of my closest friends passed away, its really hit me that I sould cherish all people close to me, who know me for me and except me for who I was, who I am and who I will grow to be, just as I do them.
I also know that people have their own lives and problems to deal with, but it seems that they still make an effort to spend time, whether through skype, phone calls, email, visits, etc.

I dont know why Im complaining. As I said before, Im a vicitim of my own judgment. I suppose it would be easier to do, if someone was doing it for me. I just really miss my close friends and need to come to realization that the inevitable is occuring and our lives have taken opposite paths.

It F-ing stinks!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

How Kiraland Came into Fruition!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

"Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it."
-Mark 10:15

Im not positive on the year or the event or even the reason that Kiraland came to be. I just know that it is a place within me where my whole faith, belief and love for God reside. There is no doubt and nothing in this world can shake it, nor break it.

I believe God has plans for all his children, and I in no way boast that Im perfect and that I will be going to Heaven and walking with Jesus one day. I do not know these plans, but I have faith that through Him, all things are possible. I also know that living a good life is not enough. Its part of it, but I also believe it is a constant belief in God, the need to search for and know him and to become as "Christ-like" as humanly possible. This sounds like a task that will never be achieved, but its the TRYING that counts.

I consider myself a realist; I know that there are bad people and bad occurances in life. I know that not all things are good. I also know its the "other" people you dont know that you cant really trust. I also know that unfortunate things can happen to very good people. here's my but....If I say that, "nothing happens in Kiraland" it's because it DOESN'T and it HASN'T. As long as Ive been saying that about certain instances, everything has turned out right and Im thankful for that. It is a place where I put my belief through and drop doubt at its door. A place where I am a child expressing thoughts and ideas that I do not understand. If something ever did happen, then not only did I leave my doubt at the door, but my faith and belief as well. But, and here's another, I will always believe that if that time/day comes, then I know God would not let me search around in the dark alone, He will always provide a way out/through. It would be up to me to see it as God wants me to.

In the end, God has a plan for me. He has already seen it through, whether I make the right choices or the bad choices. I just pray I can always do my best to make the right choices and continue to believe that all things that come my way are for my bearing and to learn from it and move on.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

What the other side thinks of the other side thinks of the other side...

Envy-a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regards to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.
Jealousy-feeling resentment of someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages.

I have often thought to myself that I am so thankful for all that I have in life. It has been such a bumpy road...wait...I take that back. Its been a hell of a ride to get where I am today. Not just bumpy, but trenches to mountains with little break in between. Things finally began to look up in the spring of 2007, but before then...sheesh...
I have a lovely family with a wonderful, sacrificing husband to make the world a better place for his new little family, a beautiful daughter whom I love more than anyone, and I mean anyone on this earth, a strong supportive family, and two of the best friends one could ever imagine. (I Love You Crackback and BQ). I have a roof over my head that's rent free in a nice place in MD, a car to drive, food to eat, clothes to wear and other things that I could probably live without. What more could someone ask for, right?
That's where the above words come in to play. I know I have all these things and Im so thankful for them, or am I really as thankful and grateful as I say I am when I want other things. I want a career, I want a house to call our home; a place to raise my daughter, I want to live in the mountainous area of mid Virginia, I want, I want....
These are all things that as a human, we all strive to have. I should be content with what I have now. I am, but the need for these things are strong.
I feel just a bit of jealousy and a pinch of envy when I see others with the things I want. I brought this up to my best friend BQ and another friend AW. You know what they told me?
"We wish we could have what you have. We are looking for that man to marry and have a family. It's hard to have it all."
And then the realization really hit me, that no matter what side of the fence people are on, we want what we dont have. We truly do want it all and are fairly aweful at really excepting that what we do have is a blessing, whereas there are so many people in our world who do not even have a fraction, NOT A FRACTION, of what we have been blessed with. (Meaning if you are reading this, then you are one of those that Im talking about. You're on a computer aren't you?)
I will, therefore, always try my best to be thankful for what I do have. I know that with patience and the belief that God has a plan for my 'lil family and I, I will eventually have that house and a career living in the mountains of mid-Virginia.

Sunday, February 13, 2011


It is my belief that flowers are one of natures way of saying, 'Look at me! I'm beautiful, colorful, graceful and fragrant. I'm here to make your day an even better one. I invite you to enjoy me. Im also a reminder that all things become new again, whether given the time and care or left alone. We can thrive with or without human touch, but thrive we do. So can you!'
I love flowers. They make me smile, are inviting, and oh so unique. Give me Lillies, Tulips, Hyacinths, yellow roses and any kind of daisy anytime.
I think if you are having a bad day and need a pickme up, buy some flowers, arrange them, put them in your favorite spot and smell them and touch them every day. Instant gratification!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

A new beginning

So many people write blogs and I never really understood why.
Some write about nothing important, some about a specific subject, and others about good and bad things that are happening in their lives. I like that these people are not scared or worried about what they write or what people think or say. I think the human mind is a terrific thing and if someone wants to write about their ideas and thoughts so that others can read it and perhaps live it, learn it, love it, hate it, or follow along in the journey, no matter where it takes you, then that's great.

It makes me wonder how honest can you be with yourself and with those whom you've never met while writing a blog. Can you tell a secret in a way that keeps the secret teller in a place of understanding? Can you get away with telling the world that you really do hate when people cant take the time to spell out their words? These are just few examples of what could potentially be a bigger issue.

The mind is a wonderful thing. I know I have stated that in the beginning, but sometimes, when I have noone to talk to, I feel the need to get opinions; anyone's, everyone's. Do you think that too? Have you ever thought that?

I live in a cave (basement) with wonderful and caring in-laws and Im away from my home in Southwest Virginia and away from my family there (Crackback and 'Nips) and my hubby is in Iraq. So it's no wonder I get a little annoyed when I cant express myself the way I would if I were with the three above mentioned.

I wonder if Ill even keep up with this blog? It could get sporadic in its contents, it could be mispelled in many places and Ill probably not worry about apostrophes. But these are thoughts from Kiraland and most of the time, nothing bad really ever comes out of Kiraland, but when that one little snot of a demon gets through my wall, the fit throwing, anger monster stomps around until the next day when the sun shines, the birds chirp and all is well again.

Welcome to the land of Kira!