Saturday, May 14, 2011


"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love the changed person" - W Somerset Maugham

Do people really change that much within a year? I can understand over many. And at what age does change begin to slow, if that even occurs?

Change is an inevitable. Whether we want it to happen or not. Have you ever been or know someone who has been in a relationship where they say, "he/she will never change"? I'm sure we have all heard it sometime in our lives. This statement is not entirely true. Eventually these individuals change, but at that moment are we/they so impatient as to not want to wait for the desired or even undesired change to make our final decision? Perhaps this is just another way the world lets you know you are not compatible. What if age has a huge impact on when and how people change? I remember hearing in a psychology class that there is a window of opportunity in our lives where if we take the time to assess ourselves and our personalities we may be able to change undesirable qualities of our personality as well as bring in new refreshing ones if we practiced. This could probably occur at any time in an adults life, but this window is probably the easiest. I believe this to some extent. I used to be stubborn, OK, so Im still a little stubborn, but this was a trait I was not fond of and knew it was a bit extreme. So, I really thought about the ways I was stubborn and come to find out, it was over really silly things. Now Im more nonchalant about issues, but if Im passionate enough about a topic, a bit of stubbornness is not all bad.

How does time affect love?
When we say we love someone, does that change throughout time or is it conditional?

Lets look at three different scenarios:

You dated someone back in the day and you both said you loved each other. You were together for, lets say, three years and all was well the first two. Then you begin to nit-pick with each other. Then certain things that havent changed in those two years begin to really irritate you. And to go further, you begin to really argue and fight over things that you never thought you would fight over. I could go on and on. The relationshop ends and so does your love for that person. Or does it?

In another case, you meet someone and you really enjoy there company. You hang out, watch movies, play games, go out together and have even done things that couples do. You find yourself loving this person. You never really get together becuase of outside reasons. Do you still love them in the same way you did when you were 'together'?

And what about married couples who have been married 20, 30, 50+ years? Does the love they had for each other stay the same all those years or does it morph and grow into something more elegant and timeless?

I believe in the first case, if it ends in that kind of way, you dont love them anymore and its a struggle to remember why you loved them to begin with. But if it wasnt a bad breakup or you were together for a lot longer, then I would guess some affection or care still resides. Enough to hope the best for that person in the furture and to want to be friends with.

With the second case, that kind of love stays where it was left. It has nothing to go on to grow. Its a love thats lost and it gives you the 'what if?' moments in life. So love for that person can not grow more tender with time.

With the third scenario, if you happen to make it those many years together, changing together with lifes tides, growing with each other instead of away, I believe that a love like that is timeless. It hasnt changed, just became a force so strong that those who know that couple would want what they have.

So many things change in a persons lifetime. Its how we handle these changes that can make us or break us. And it all starts as soon as we are conceived.

I, for one, am happy with the way I have changed throughout my life. Im glad Im not so stubborn anymore among other things and that I dont recollect what I saw in past relationships (or even remember things of some). Im okay with having a stagnant love for those who went one way and I the other and I hope I can obtain the timeless love you see so few of. That would truly be an amazing blessing!